Here She Comes.......
Here are some things I no longer do:
1. Answer every email.
I used to think that if someone took the time to write me- or forward something they thought I would appreciate- I should at least have the common courtesy to write back. Lately, I have been too busy in my real life to pay much attention to the cyber one... last week, I came back to over 80 emails that showed up over 4 days.
Uh uh.
Now I pick and choose. Forward at your own risk- and if you doubt my affection, appreciation, or attention, well, get over it.
2. Answer every phone call.
I mean, sometimes I just let it go to voice mail. The phone rings and I take a good look around. Are the kids all home? Husband? Anyone I know hugely pregnant, sick or having a particularly bad time of it? What am I doing right now? Do I really want to take the time to chat with someone? Am I enjoying this moment? What have I got planned for later? Will answering the phone potentially make me have to rush to get somewhere else later?
I don't even look at the Caller ID. I make the decision based on my own needs.
How weird is that?
3. Pretend I wasn't asleep, if I was.
When I do answer the phone, and I have been asleep (it's summer - we're all sleeping late and long--- luscious!), I no longer feel the need to pretend I was awake already. I'm not sure when I stopped being embarrassed about my sleep- or, maybe, why it was an issue before. But I know others do it, too, so I'm not totally insane.
Still, if someone says, "Oh, did I wake you?", I now say, "Yep". No apologies. Maybe an added, "but it's ok, I needed to get up." (if I actually did). But I see sleep as the nectar of the gods, and if I am lucky enough to get some, I'm for damn sure going to embrace it with pride.
I guess I'm growing up.
Or getting old.
4. Think I have to know all the details.
That's not to say that I don't appreciate a juicy tidbit of gossip. I do. But I also don't want to know too many details. I have a lot of life here, and I don't need to know too much about someone else's mess. Besides, it makes it that much harder when they go on and get past it, and I'm still here wondering how they will ever forgive each other.
On top of all that, I've noticed that I sometimes forget what I'm supposed to know, and what is secret-secret. That does not work well for me. I will say the wrong thing to the wrong person. Too much responsibility.
5. Keep my big mouth shut.
Yeah, lately, I really find myself putting my fat foot into it. It's not that I'm trying to be rude, but it seems I no longer have a ton of patience with the whole idea of non-confrontation, dishonesty, or sneakiness .
Now, I do think this is age-related. And I also think I have inherited the "blatant gene" from my Nana. Certainly it was passed down through my Gram, though it may have bypassed my mother, who believes that not hurting someone's feelings is the same as not confronting them when they need confronting.
I know people who are cheating on their partners, taking things that don't belong to them, and otherwise lying on their resumes, so to speak. They actually think they are getting away with it in front of the rest of us because no one will say anything.
And I've begun to take it personally- like, does she really think I'm that stupid???
So, LIARS, THIEVES AND SNEAKS BEWARE, I am onto you- and I may just call your bluff when you least expect it.
No patience.
6. Care so much what people think about me.
OK, I am a pretty nice person. I am smart and mostly kind. I think I am funny- at least I crack myself up. So this isn't like I need to rationalize why I am not liked. I know I mostly AM.
But to hell with anyone who doesn't get me.
When does that happen? At some point I just stopped caring about it. Like, I can write all this, and some of you will go, "ooh, she's being bitchy", and some of you will laugh and nod with agreement, having the same feelings yourself. And a few of you know me well enough to just chalk it up to Jules Today-Who-May-Feel-Differently-Tomorrow.
And it just doesn't matter.
I write for me.
And I guess that's what all of this is about, huh? That I'm beginning to shift my focus back to me. Sure, my life is centered around my family, but MY NEEDS are beginning to come back in to play--- and that's kind of a fun thing.
And it totally explains why there is that media stereotype of the old woman who says everything she thinks, and others cringe around her. Who knows, and then tells, everyone's secrets (usually saving the mortgage, the Bixby account, or the course of true love ). Who couldn't care less what others are saying about her, while she tries to convince the pressured teen next door to do the same.
It's a stereotype because it's mostly true: Young women spend so much time worrying about our popularity and reputations, then we focus on their partners, and then our kids... and at a certain point, we come to the understanding that it is MY TURN.
Yeah, she saves the day, doesn't she?
I am so going to be that.
1. Answer every email.
I used to think that if someone took the time to write me- or forward something they thought I would appreciate- I should at least have the common courtesy to write back. Lately, I have been too busy in my real life to pay much attention to the cyber one... last week, I came back to over 80 emails that showed up over 4 days.
Uh uh.
Now I pick and choose. Forward at your own risk- and if you doubt my affection, appreciation, or attention, well, get over it.
2. Answer every phone call.
I mean, sometimes I just let it go to voice mail. The phone rings and I take a good look around. Are the kids all home? Husband? Anyone I know hugely pregnant, sick or having a particularly bad time of it? What am I doing right now? Do I really want to take the time to chat with someone? Am I enjoying this moment? What have I got planned for later? Will answering the phone potentially make me have to rush to get somewhere else later?
I don't even look at the Caller ID. I make the decision based on my own needs.
How weird is that?
3. Pretend I wasn't asleep, if I was.
When I do answer the phone, and I have been asleep (it's summer - we're all sleeping late and long--- luscious!), I no longer feel the need to pretend I was awake already. I'm not sure when I stopped being embarrassed about my sleep- or, maybe, why it was an issue before. But I know others do it, too, so I'm not totally insane.
Still, if someone says, "Oh, did I wake you?", I now say, "Yep". No apologies. Maybe an added, "but it's ok, I needed to get up." (if I actually did). But I see sleep as the nectar of the gods, and if I am lucky enough to get some, I'm for damn sure going to embrace it with pride.
I guess I'm growing up.
Or getting old.
4. Think I have to know all the details.
That's not to say that I don't appreciate a juicy tidbit of gossip. I do. But I also don't want to know too many details. I have a lot of life here, and I don't need to know too much about someone else's mess. Besides, it makes it that much harder when they go on and get past it, and I'm still here wondering how they will ever forgive each other.
On top of all that, I've noticed that I sometimes forget what I'm supposed to know, and what is secret-secret. That does not work well for me. I will say the wrong thing to the wrong person. Too much responsibility.
5. Keep my big mouth shut.
Yeah, lately, I really find myself putting my fat foot into it. It's not that I'm trying to be rude, but it seems I no longer have a ton of patience with the whole idea of non-confrontation, dishonesty, or sneakiness .
Now, I do think this is age-related. And I also think I have inherited the "blatant gene" from my Nana. Certainly it was passed down through my Gram, though it may have bypassed my mother, who believes that not hurting someone's feelings is the same as not confronting them when they need confronting.
I know people who are cheating on their partners, taking things that don't belong to them, and otherwise lying on their resumes, so to speak. They actually think they are getting away with it in front of the rest of us because no one will say anything.
And I've begun to take it personally- like, does she really think I'm that stupid???
So, LIARS, THIEVES AND SNEAKS BEWARE, I am onto you- and I may just call your bluff when you least expect it.
No patience.
6. Care so much what people think about me.
OK, I am a pretty nice person. I am smart and mostly kind. I think I am funny- at least I crack myself up. So this isn't like I need to rationalize why I am not liked. I know I mostly AM.
But to hell with anyone who doesn't get me.
When does that happen? At some point I just stopped caring about it. Like, I can write all this, and some of you will go, "ooh, she's being bitchy", and some of you will laugh and nod with agreement, having the same feelings yourself. And a few of you know me well enough to just chalk it up to Jules Today-Who-May-Feel-Differently-Tomorrow.
And it just doesn't matter.
I write for me.
And I guess that's what all of this is about, huh? That I'm beginning to shift my focus back to me. Sure, my life is centered around my family, but MY NEEDS are beginning to come back in to play--- and that's kind of a fun thing.
And it totally explains why there is that media stereotype of the old woman who says everything she thinks, and others cringe around her. Who knows, and then tells, everyone's secrets (usually saving the mortgage, the Bixby account, or the course of true love ). Who couldn't care less what others are saying about her, while she tries to convince the pressured teen next door to do the same.
It's a stereotype because it's mostly true: Young women spend so much time worrying about our popularity and reputations, then we focus on their partners, and then our kids... and at a certain point, we come to the understanding that it is MY TURN.
Yeah, she saves the day, doesn't she?
I am so going to be that.
posted by jules @ 12:06 PM
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