Parenting Choices

Read this on AOL this morning. Take a gander.....

School Expels Girl for Having Gay Parents

ONTARIO, Calif. (Sept. 23) - A 14-year-old student was expelled from a Christian school because her parents are lesbians, the school's superintendent said in a letter.
Shay Clark was expelled from Ontario Christian School on Thursday.
"Your family does not meet the policies of admission," Superintendent Leonard Stob wrote to Tina Clark, the girl's biological mother.
Stob wrote that school policy requires that at least one parent may not engage in practices "immoral or inconsistent with a positive Christian life style, such as cohabitating without marriage or in a homosexual relationship," The Los Angeles Times reported in Friday's edition.
Stob could not be reached for comment by the newspaper. Shay and her parents said they won't fight the ruling.
School administrators learned of the parents' relationship this week after Shay was reprimanded for talking to the crowd during a football game, Tina Clark said.
Clark and her partner have been together 22 years and have two other daughters, ages 9 and 19.
09/23/05 07:04 EDT
Copyright 2005 The Associated Press.


SO here's the thing (you know I always have to have a thing):
I think this is the most ridiculous reason for expulsion that I have ever heard. And I certainly think this violates the child's right to an education, and the freedom to have the kind of family that you have.

But there is something I don't get. How come these parents decided to send their child to a Christian school in the first place? I mean, yes, they have the RIGHT to seek a Christian-based education for their children, absolutely. But doesn't that choice pretty much amount to sending the lamb to the wolves?

Given the political climate right now, what would compel them to put their daughter into that atmosphere of overt intolerance and injustice? Didn't they read the school policy before enrolling their child? Or any recent newspaper? Hello? That vicious and ignorant sentence about an "immoral.....homosexual relationship" alone should have sent them to the nearest Montessori school.

I hear so many gay parents talk about their rights. And you know that I agree that they have them. I also understand that there must be a certain level of acceptance of their "special circumstances" by both the children and their community- and that the child of a homosexual is going to have to develop a pretty tough hide to survive in this world.

But at some point, I also believe that parents- gay or straight- have the DUTY to protect their children from UNNECESSARY scrutiny and ridicule. We make sure they are clean and have the supplies they need. We wipe their noses and check their ears, and teach them how to raise their hands and not cut in line. All in the name of "social acceptance" at school.

So why would anyone decide to place their child in a school where they already have a giant strike against them? There are plenty of private schools- this is in Ontario CA, not the middle of Montana somewhere- and some decent public schools, so why enroll your child in the one place that has never deviated from publicly proclaiming the belief that your very existence is evil?

At the risk of offending some of you- and I really hope I don't- this reminds me of a choice I made with my Oldest a few years ago. It's a trivial comparison, but go with me here.
She was in 3rd grade, and just on the cusp of being a pre-teen vs. a little girl. For some reason, she decided that she wanted to wear her hair in 4 pony tails on top of her head. Not 2...FOUR. And she begged me to do her hair that way for school. It may have had something to do with her very best friend that year being an African-American with gorgeous hair- and perhaps my Oldest just wanted to have a similar 'do. But straight red hair was not going to look so hot in 4 fountains springing from the top of her head. I was a Room Mother who spent a lot of time at the school, and knew this wasn't a trend. And I knew if she showed up on that playground looking like a clown, she'd never live it down- and she had at least 5 more years with those kids. So I talked her out of it. It wasn't easy, and she threw a little tantrum. But it was the right thing to do- and I explained it to her very carefully: my job at that moment was to protect her from any unnecessary teasing. With a hair style like that, she would have been asking for it!

Look, there's enough hard stuff to deal with. And whether a kid's in 3rd grade, or 14 years old, there will be some form of social stigma placed in every single kid in the class. Over and under Weight, glasses, braces, allergies, weird lunch choices, too-good grades, the body-function accidents. So many unavoidable reasons to be ostracized.
Why give your child more?

I feel sorry for the girl who has to start at a new school next week, who was just beginning to settle into her high school years, who will feel that the world is against her... being 14 is crappy anyway, but now she knows that life is unfair.
But, as much as I think the school policy is wrong, and that the administrators should have made an effort to handle it differently, I also blame the parents for putting their child in that position. The school made it very clear how they would treat their daughter, and the parents could have protected her from that.

And don't even get me started on being "reprimanded for talking to the crowd at a football game".

That's my rant for today.

Hey, if you get a minute, send a prayer and/or good thought toward those poor people in the Gulf. Unbelievable, huh?

September Song

I wrote this last year, or maybe the year before.
Anyway, it's been sitting in my file waiting to be brought out for the annual memorial services...
not much has changed.
Peace.
J.

SEPTEMBER 11th

It's so strange.
I think I'm past it. That it has become so politicized that I don't want to hear any more. That I can't be shocked by it again. That there are no more tears left.
That time has healed me...

But in this annual week of Media-blitz "memorials", I find myself staring at the pictures again. Carefully listening to the experts explain how and why the buildings collapsed. Reading about the victims. The survivors. The finger-pointing. The rebuilding. Life going on.

In a heartbeat, I am back on that Tuesday morning, watching the early news while changing my infant Son's diaper. Getting ready to wake the older kids for school. Thinking- for just a last few wishful moments- that there has simply been a tragic accident of an amateur student pilot crashing into that Tower.
Then, in a life-altering instant, I see the second plane as the rest of the world does- and the explosion that confirms this as the worst day in our recent history.

I called my Husband at work, where he had no TV or radio, and could not comprehend my prediction that he would soon be asked to cancel the movie premiere he was setting up for that night. I was frustrated to the point of anger that he thought I was over-reacting, but understood that he could not begin to imagine what I was seeing on TV at that moment.
He came home soon after, and was to spend many days here, since no one could find a reason to celebrate anything.

I called my Daughter's school. Who knew where else this was going to go? We wanted her to learn the facts from us, not her 3rd-grader friends. We wanted her to feel safe. We wanted to know she was. We were told to send her anyway- that normalcy and routine were best for the children. Except that it was not normal or routine. We kept her home that day, and had no regrets.

My Mother, Sister and Brother came over- I made coffee. And tried to keep the kids occupied with videos and games while we sat mesmerized by the horror on the TV.

Billy Joel's old song "Miami 2017- Seen the Lights Go Out on Broadway" was racing through my head with such ferocity that I finally found the CD, and we listened to it- and wept:

I've seen the lights go out on Broadway...
.... I've seen the mighty skyline fall....
....I've seen the ruins at my feet....

Always a great song, it's worth a listen now with post-9-11 ears. While you're at it, listen to Paul Simon's "American Tune", too. Not unlike generations before us, there are pieces of music that define our collective experience as Americans- these are only two. I'm sure you know of others- songs that make you catch your breath with sudden awareness of the "true" meaning- and bonds you with everyone else who hears it, and makes you less alone in this world.
And so, we wept.

I personally knew no one who died that day. No one- although there were friends who lost friends. And I think sometimes that my grief is selfish because of that. But I believe that I am grieving for what was before and was lost, as well as what happened and to whom.
I am grieving for the life my children will not have because we no longer live free from the fear of terrorism.

My generation was carefree for so long.
Or blissfully ignorant.
It was the tail end of the Cold War, and we were living in a time when no one in their right mind believed that nuclear capability was necessary for world peace. When we joked about "duck and cover" drills and used our bomb shelters to store lawn furniture and old baby cribs. When the worst we had to fear was Reaganomics, and Herpes. Maybe the Ozone layer was a scary issue, but even AIDS was preventable.
Our fears were not about our daily survival, and yes, we " lived so well so long".

Now we worry about whether it's wise to fly to visit the family in back East. Whether Disneyland has a big target painted on it. And, ashamedly, whether those Middle-Eastern-looking people who just moved in down the street are really who they say they are.
We think about escape routes, and hoard water, batteries and cash. The gas gauge isn't allowed to go below half a tank, and we wouldn't dream of leaving the house without our cell phones.
We use words like "Ground Zero", and "Dirty Bombs" and "Anthrax", and our maudlin jokes belie the underlying realization that anything is possible now. We are learning to be alert, ever-vigilant, and and even have a color-coded scale to help us determine what our anxiety level should be.
Oh, yes, and some us pray a lot harder.

I distinctly remember one thing in those first few moments- before the other kids woke up and the phone started ringing ...when I looked at my only Son, lying in his jammies, freshly changed and smelling like a baby should smell first thing in the morning...
and I thought, "My God, we will go to war over this. I have a Son now."
It was a searing thought so many millions of Mothers have had before me over thousands of years- and I was aware that I had reached a turning point in my womanhood, and was devastated by the reality.

Time heals all wounds, they say. And perhaps this is so.
Perhaps not enough time has passed.
Or maybe it's been an eternity.
I am not healed.

Come Hell or High Water

It's all been written or spoken or felt, and my little words can and will not do it justice.
The unfathomable happened yet again.

And like that other September tragedy, we found ourselves watching endlessly, voraciously. I could only explain to my Mother that I felt obliged to give those poor people a little of our time, our comfort, our prayers. That if I could do nothing to help them, I could at least be a witness to their horror, and not pretend all was right with the world...since it was not.

I found it ironic that the reporters were mostly clean and freshly made up--- while they interviewed mud-covered victims who claimed to have had no water for 3 days. I did wonder where the back-stage "green room" was for those in the media who somehow had access to the very items the victims were begging the government for.
And if they could broadcast the news to me, why were the FEMA and other officials claiming to not have a "full scope" of the disaster?
I do think we need to make sure all people in power positions have TVs, don't you?
Anyway....
I was infuriated to see the looters- and why in the hell can't they find a way to secure guns and drugs in safes that will not be opened by your common thug?
I was saddened to see the poorest people left to fend for themselves in New Orleans. And even sadder to see how disproportionately many of them were black.
I was sickened to see the babies, having held my own fragile little preemie's life for many long hospital days. That one was probably the hardest to not turn off. But I watched those babies and prayed, because I knew their mommies were unable to see them on CNN as I could.

Why there was not a show of force and commitment in getting people out of the area when the order for MANDATORY evacuation was given?
Why was it "impossible" for some to leave?
How hard would it have been- given that officials had over 2 days notice- to provide the very help that would have avoided- if not eliminated- the devastating experiences of the stranded evacuees?
I don't understand why every bus in a 300 mile area wasn't sent to pick up people BEFORE the hurricane hit. Why gas pumps weren't turned on and gas given freely in all the evacuating areas. The US Government would have picked up the tab... but believe me, it will be a heck of a lot less than what it's going to cost to care for those people now!
Sure, there would still be those idiot few who thought they would escape unscathed, who were too paranoid to leave their homes, or , as I strongly suspect, were aware that evacuation centers are not a good place to detox.

But those who wanted to leave should have been able to GET OUT.

And I DO think it's horrible that so many African Americans were victimized. But I don't put the blame on the racism--- this is a pure fact of poverty. And it should be a wakeup call for all of us that we have such a huge disparity in our socio-economic strata. But it's not racist, it's inequality and poverty.
And the middle of a national disaster is so NOT the place to start debating that.

Now everyone's pointing fingers and blaming whomever is on the other side of the room, the tracks, the levee. sigh.
Did you know that after Hurricane Andrew, the 1992 Florida-devastating hurricane generally considered to be the most damaging in recent history, and the benchmark for both revival and disaster management, it also took almost 5 days for the National Guard to get into the hardest hit areas?
Do you remember when the families of the 9-11 victims were holding rallies and threatening to sue the government because they felt the response was too slow in identifying bodies and releasing information?
Sure, help has gotten to some disaster areas more quickly- but you gotta have a place to land the helicopters if you send them, and if you can't house 50,000 citizens, where are you going to put the National Guard?

I just want to shake Jesse Jackson and all those who are using this situation as a forum for criticism: " Guess what- Disasters are never NEVER fully prepared-for! That's what makes them disasters. No one was TRYING to not feed people. No one was INTENTIONALLY letting people die. It was overwhelming and incomprehensible. And we're only human! "


Ironically, the anger pills have sorta kicked in for me here. If I am angry about anything, it's not what you might expect. I am frustrated with the media and the whiners who want the government to account for its actions during this crisis. Aren't these the same people who think the government is too "Big Brother", too in-our- lives already? The same people who bash Bush for butting his smirking puss into so many "none of his business" areas, are all bent out of shape when he takes a step back- if, in fact, he did?
Sorry, you can't have it both ways. I never voted for the man, and personally think he's done more to hurt this country that any other president in our history. I don't think he's the devil or anything- he might even be a nice guy at home with the folks (hey, I like his mom). But I truly think he's an arrogant, spoiled C- student who got a good PR guy and a lot of his daddy's right-wing, bible-thumping, oil-loving cronies to cover for his ignorance in exchange for a sympathetic president. Nothing more.
But even I can't get up the gumption to blame him for this disaster.

Whatever happened to looking out for yourself and taking RESPONSIBILITY for what you can... and just hoping for the best when that's really all you've got left? And when things go wrong, chalking it up to "life".

But, see, we are so arrogant. We, as a country, actually think we can, no, we have the RIGHT to do, be and have anything, don't we?
We are so young, so adolescent, that we still believe that anything is possible and if we want it badly enough, we can achieve it. That if we put enough money and desire into something, it can be accomplished.
That if we want it, we have the right to HAVE it.
Well, that just isn't so.
Sometimes it CAN'T. DOESN'T. ISN'T.
That's just the truth about life.
Sometimes the 5'1" guy can't be an NBA Superstar. And the blind woman can't be an airline pilot. I'll never be a fashion model, and all the money, ambition and wishing won't change that.
And all the money and good intentions can't stop a hurricane from destroying people's lives.
But, like adolescents, we are don't want to hear that.
Instead, we want someone to fix it.
We throw our tantrums, we file our lawsuits, we give our press conferences --- THIS IS AMERICA, damn it, and I HAVE MY RIGHTS. SOMEONE is going to PAY FOR THIS!

And that "someone" is you and me. It'll be in our taxes, our gas prices (don't get me started), and the loss of an historic area that will never be the same. We'll notice it in unexpected ways, businesses closing and people moving, or, worse, missing, it's bound to come back to you. And come February, Mardi Gras will be sorely missed.

But we also are paying in another way. The yelling and accusations, the racial undertones, the anger and frustrations of an exhausted people. We will pay with our brotherhood, yet again. We will be divided, again. We will have hate, again.
And that is the worst damage that Katrina will have caused. That is the devastating disaster; that we will not be UNITED in this time of sadness and need, but instead will be fueling the fires of divisiveness and outrage.
That we will be destroying the spirit of our own people.

Will anyone hold a telethon for that?