Just Rewards

What is with the whole "rewarding" the screw-ups?

Why are the clueless getting the cruises?

Why are the vacant getting the vacations?

For those of you who are lost here, let me fill you in:

It used to be that one of the "talk shows" (ok, remember Sally Jessy?) would have a special gift for someone who had been through a lot. I know part of that was the fact that they didn't pay their guests, and, quite frankly, when your ratings are reliant on people spilling their guts- and private lives- on your national television show, you probably need to compensate somehow. So, ok, a new living room set for the guy whose home burned down when he was saving his neighbor's house- or a new car for the woman who takes food to the homebound elderly.... that all makes perfect karmic sense to me.

But it's different now.

Somehow, it's been decided that everyone who shares their story on TV deserves to be rewarded. We've taken the "preserve self-esteem at all costs" way beyond what is rational. Now, the more you've wrecked your own, or someone else's life, the more you deserve to be compensated for your pain... that YOU caused, but let's not think about that . At least, that's how it looks.

I noticed it first on "Dr. Phil". I like Dr. Phil. I think he is really on the mark most of the time, and his no-nonsense approach to problems makes a lot of sense to me. But I can't figure out how he reconciles his "accountability", "get real" and "results oriented" programs to the fact that he almost always rewards his most messed up guests with a "Time away from your problems CRUISE". Or, "We're going to pay your COLLEGE TUITION for 4 years because you've wasted 8 years on drugs but you're clean now". Or, "Your kids are messed up, you let them date at 12 and get pregnant at 13, now you want a divorce, but here's an all-expenses paid VACATION to the VIRGIN ISLANDS to help you reconnect". What kind of "result" is that?

Now I see "Nanny 911" and "Super Nanny" do the same thing. Have you seen those shows? We've got parents here who are CLUELESS. Totally ignorant about the basics of parenting. Some are downright stupid. All are potentially dangerous.

The kids are out of control- how many 5 year olds flip off their mom when they are angry? How often do you see an 8 year old strangle her little brother until he turns blue and wets his pants? Or a 3 year old walk down the middle of the street for 15 minutes before the parents even realize he's out...again?

The parents are in denial, and completely lacking in an responsible disciplining and in some cases are just plain LAZY... and now they've asked for help from a stranger to learn parenting skills (and, in some cases, I think, to keep Protective Services from their door).

So they go through this whole rigamarole about "time outs" and "positive reinforcement" and "you are the parent, not the friend" stuff...and somehow at that end of 55 minutes, the family is saved. And then they get a card that congratulates them for their "hard work", and sends the whole family on a VACATION.

I WANT TO BE A BAD PARENT!

What about the REST of us who have been putting our kids in gentle time outs since they were 2 years old ? Who cried in the hallway outside of the nursery door at an age-appropriate time and now have kids that sleep in their own beds? Who don't let our kids hit, kick or bite? Who don't argue with our spouses in front of the kids? Who have happy, clean, calm households

BECAUSE WE WORK AT IT?

I have a good marriage, my kids are smart and happy, we are not in debt. We don't drink, do drugs, or hide a molester in the family. We go to Church, don't let the kids watch R-rated movies, and wash little mouths out with soap if necessary... well, at least the kids think we would (whatever works).

We don't let our children run around in restaurants or crowded rooms. We make them hold hands in the parking lot. We have them play outside for at least an hour a day. Sometimes we don't turn the TV on all day- and no one notices. Arguments are talked out, no one hits in our house. Ever. We talk to our kids about smoking, drugs, pregnancy and violence. There are chores to do . There are consequences to not doing them.

We taught our kids to read. To say, "Thank you", and "Please", and "Excuse me". We use the word "No", and don't feel guilty about it. My kids are gigglers, tickle monsters, cuddlebugs, and smarties...we adore them, and are proud of them- and they KNOW it.

So- WHERE IS MY VACATION???

Oh, right, I must be doing it all wrong.

I can't help but wonder what the lessons are that we are teaching our TV viewing kids:

Screw up for a while, and then ask for help on television so you can be rewarded?

Be irresponsible,and do it in a BIG way, so someone will feel sorry for you and clean up your mess?

I WANT TO LIVE IN SQUALOR so that 2 BRITISH LADIES TO CLEAN UP MY HOUSE and then leave me $1000s in cleaning products and new candles and towels!

I WANT TO BANKRUPT MY FAMILY by compulsive gambling, and have a world-renowned CELEBRITY PAY MY MORTGAGE so I don't lose my house.

I WANT TO DRINK until my kids decide to have an INTERVENTION, so that I CAN GO TO ANTIGUA for REHAB, paid for by a FAMOUS TALK SHOW HOST.

I WANT TO HAVE A MIDLIFE CRISIS so that I can have an affair, confess in front of millions of people, ask my husband for forgiveness, reconcile and be sent ON A SECOND HONEYMOON!

No, I guess I don't...but I don't think anyone else should, either.